You Matter
"I never pictured myself in a traditional homemaker role. I grew up in the 1970′s when the women’s movement had already come of age. We had figured out that we could do anything. We could be leaders, serve in the military, have careers. We could sing “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar” and no one batted a fake eyelash at it.
Unfortunately, along with all of the advancements came a subtle undercurrent of disdain for women who chose a traditional homemaker role. It certainly always overt, but I grew up with the sense that women who chose that role were selling themselves short. That they could do so much more.
And so, with my college-diploma in hand, I set out to become the successful career-gal that I’d always wanted to be. I worked hard and created a successful career for myself. I didn’t always love what I did, but I was good at it and I was rewarded for it.
Then came marriage and children…I married my dear husband and when our first child came along, we made the decision that I would stay home. I was in favor of that because by then my attitudes had changed remarkably and I really felt like that was where I should be. We were lucky that it was an option for us.
But I was a bit stuck…I didn’t understand my new role. I didn’t know how to be the primary caregiver to my home and family. Not because my mom didn’t try and teach me as I was growing up (thanks, Mom!) but because I wasn’t paying attention since it wasn’t a role that I cherished (sorry, Mom!).
I can look back now and honestly say that the first few years at home, I felt devalued. Like what I was doing wasn’t as important as what I could have been doing. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be at home but something didn’t feel right on the inside.
Whenever I met someone new and they asked “What do you do?”, my answer went like this, “Right now I’m a stay-at-home-mom, but I USED to…”. As if I had to justify my service to my family.
Through lots of prayer, study and reflection, I have since let go of those misconceptions. I won’t bombard you with a bunch of bible passages talking about a woman’s cherished role in her family (Prov 12:4; Prov 14:1; Prov 31:10-31, if you’re interested). But I will say this…
What you do matters. Listen to me closely. If we were having coffee together, I would lean across the table and look right into your eyes and say it again. What. You. Do. Matters. It is not beneath you. It is important work. Don’t just gloss over that and say “uh-huh, uh-huh”. Go back and read it again. I’ll wait.
Every diaper you change, every load of laundry that you fold, every carpool you drive, every meal that you make…it matters. Even for you moms who are working because you want to or because you need to. You set the tone in your home because you matter.
Serving your family is an important calling. You should never feel diminished or unimportant because what you do matters."
This post really touched me and spoke so closely to how I sometimes feel. I hope you enjoyed it too.
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Love this post LadySmith. I am currently struggling with whether or not to return to work in (eek!) 2 months. Mainly, because of those exact feelings. The fact that the house is in the same shape at the end of the day as it was in the beginning of the day takes a LOT of flippin' work, but it doesn't seem overly satisfying. Completed laundry and a full fridge doesn't make you feel like you are optimizing your potential, but thinking about how much it "matters" to take care of your family, and spend that much more time with them, matters more than I often realize when I really think about it.
ReplyDeleteJennie:
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I am fortunate to be able to stay at home, but still struggle. It all matters, more than you will ever know until decades from now (I hope). Think about how special it is for you to be a part of your daughter's daily life and a part of all of their routines. All of the "stuff" we do behind the scenes, in my opinion, helps the children to know that they have a safe, loving, home that embraces them and helps them to be confident and brave knowing that you will be there for them.
Although it is amazing how many wonderful things have changed for women in the last 1/2 century, I think that with this change, it is unfortunate that it seems that the role of being at home and working your a** off for your family has become so .... I'm searching for the right word - undervalued, not encouraged, not embraced, so not common place? does that capture it? I've said it before, it's the toughest job I've ever had. good Luck with your decision. You will be a wonderful Mom and woman, whatever you decide.
Thanks LadySmith. You are so right when you say that being home and doing all the behind scenes works provides that safe, loving environment, and hopefully gives them the extra confidence they will need when it is time for them to go on their own. My own mom stayed home for 11 years with my sisters and I, and it did make a difference.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, I did go back to work after my first chid (although I took a 17 month Mat Leave), and it was way easier being at work than at home. It's strange that such a challenging role is undervalued. Often when my husband comes home I find myself trying to explain why one area of the house didn't get cleaned yet or why dinner is not going to be anything that would win a cooking contest, and he just looks at me and asks "Do I make you feel like you are not working hard or something?" I think I just need to learn to give myself credit for all the work I do, even if you can't measure it based on a client won, a profitable sales quarter or an amazing job review and promotion. Knowing my kids are always with the person that will make them their number one priority is more important.